You’re ten years older than me, but sadly, I look the same age because Merthyr boys age like plums. However, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re now our manager. And with that in mind, I want to help you out. What can a Merthyr man bring to the table I hear you scream from behind Fergie’s coffee mug? Well, I’m an FA Level one coach, played for my town for a fair bit growing up, and had trials at Cardiff and reached the Welsh Boys Club shadow squad and have been playing and managing in amateur leagues for the last ten years. However, none of that means anything. It literally counts for sweet fuck all. Here’s what matters. I’m a Welsh football fan. And there’s lots of us. So, without further ado, here’s what you need to do to win us over and become a memorable Welsh manager.
We want to see Ryan Giggs.
Tell the PR manager to go focus on press releases. We know that you know the game. We know that you have an opinion. Don’t hide behind what the press team have told you. You’re our manager, not some camera-trained puppet. We want to see Giggsy. Be Giggsy.
Show us what you’re made of.
You played like a man possessed for United. You led the charge and headed straight for your opposite number. In Wales, this is known as ‘Hwyl’. It doesn’t translate perfectly into English, but it’s human flair. It’s caution to the wind. It’s passion and grit in a blender. It’s why you didn’t stop running against Arsenal after picking up Vieira’s pass. Bring this approach. Bring Hwyl.
You’re gonna get some stuff wrong. We won’t mind. But don’t bull shit us. That’s the Welsh FA’s job. When you try something and it lands on its arse, fess up and we’ll love you even more.
We know you’re cool. We’ve seen you in magazine shoots when you were a teenager. But when it comes to the anthem, we don’t wanna see cool. We wanna see you singing. None of us look cool when we’re belting out Gwlad, Gwlad like a tribe of pissed up celtic warriors. Just sing it. Loudly.
You’ve been used to winning, we need this. Don’t let anything else enter into the mind of the squad and this attitude will cascade to the fans, and we’ll let you know about it.
Above all, take us with you. A party of one is shit, and trust me, you’ll want us at the party.
Diolch yn fawr.
(Football coach looking for opportunities.)